Being a mom of a two year old, there does not leave a lot of time for blogging. I plan to retry this whole blogging thing again. My boy is not a baby anymore! He official can do things "himself" and "daddy is cooler than mommy". Oh, I knew this time was coming, but I didn't expect it so soon. Ryan and I have discussed expanding our family, but with the house just being purchased in February we just aren't in a position yet where we can have another at this time. Maybe next year....

Standing

So my son is trying to stand already. If you hold his hands he pulls himself up and I caught him trying to pull himself out of the bassinet. He isn't quite four months old yet. He is swimming instead of crawling but he seems to have standing with help down pat.

Would Jesus Be Accepted in Your Church?

Ryan and I were riding in the car the other day with the Ipod on shuffle and the song "My Jesus" by Todd Agnew came on. If you have ever listened to the lyrics, you may have been turned off by one word in the song. But take a minute with me to read through the lyrics that caught our attention.

"Cause my Jesus bled and died

He spent His time with thieves and liars

He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant

So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church

The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet

But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud

I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd

And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus! "

Ryan and I felt God calling us back to the Upstate. We left with no house, no job for me, and no real clue where God was leading us. Real blind faith. We later found God leading us to Epic Church and a group of people who truly encompass what Ryan and I talked about following the song that day in the car. But that is another story for another day.

After carefully listening to the song, Ryan and I talked about visiting some churches when we came to Greenville. We talked about how receptive and loving some churches are and no matter what you look like and wear they just love on you. Ryan and I talked about a "test" we wanted to do one day. We wanted Ryan to find his spikes, Slipknot tshirt (that mind you has holes all in it), black pants with chains on it, and dog collar and "dress the part". We wanted to experiment to see how a church would approach my husband in this getup. Would people walk up to him and invite him back and tell him about other events and bible studies going on in the church? Would they stare at him? Judge him?

They don't know his heart. They don't know he is the most godly man I have ever met. But many churches probably wouldn't invite us to anything else their church has going on. We said the church that did was the type of church we wanted to be involved in.

How many of us, including myself, would have huge eyes watching such a sight coming down the isle of our church? How many of us truly are like Jesus. Look at who Jesus ministered to. The adulterous woman at the well. A tax collector who cheated people out of money. Sick woman who had been bleeding for 12 years.

I want to follow Christ and imitate Him. I want to show God's truth in love as Ephesians 4:15 states "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." It doesn't matter who we are, what job we have, how we dress, or what sins we have or are committing at the time. 1 Peter 4:8 states that "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." Everything else aside, we are called to share Jesus's love story, a love that covers all sins. We are to do this without fear and without shame. For Jesus ministered to people who needed Him. People who were sinners and outcasts from their society. Just as this drew criticism from the proud religious leaders of Jesus's day, we need not fear rejection and criticism from those in our day.

We are called to witness no matter what the social class, sins committed, education, wealth, employment, etc. So I ask again as the song did.

"Which Jesus do you follow?

Which Jesus do you serve?

If Ephesians says to imitate Christ

Then why do you look so much like the world?"

Radical Faith

Mark 1: 38 - 45 NLT
"But Jesus replied, 'We must go on to other towns as well, and I will preach to them, too. That is why I came.' So he traveled throughout the region of Galilee, preaching in the synagogues and casting out demons."

Jesus says the reason that He came was to preach to all of Galilee, not just his home town or his comfort zone. Where do you openly and radically share Jesus? Is there some places that you do not open up and talk about Jesus? Is there a group of people you just do not feel will accept your sharing Jesus with them? Take some time and search your heart for places you do and do not talk about Jesus. Is there someone specific that God is laying on your heart to share Christ with? Maybe you are not open at school or work about your faith. Pray that God opens your heart and shows you areas where you can be radical and share your faith. You never know where God will open doors for future opportunities to share your faith. Be open and keep a look out for where you can share your faith.

Preparing for Baby

So the past few days I have been diving in head first to car floor boards, toilets, showers, and closets. I am officially in the nesting period of my pregnancy. The great thing is I have TONS of energy in spirts. The bad thing is that my pinched nerve doesn't like my nesting phase. I actually slept from 10:30 until 8:30 this morning only waking up once.

Countdown to baby.....still waiting.

Making Plans

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version, ©2010)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

My coping mechanism is planning. It is how I keep myself calm in an ever-changing world. I make contingency plans. I plan for the worse-case scenario. I have been trying to plan for my classes around having a baby. My six week class started Tuesday, February 1st, 2011 and ends March 14, 2011. The problem? I am officially due February 25th, 2011. But with having a baby, due dates are a suggestion. He can come whenever he wants. He can come early and arrive next week or he can come late and be a March baby. That makes it difficult on me when I am trying to plan around it.

I just feel like a stubborn toddler. You know the kind. Like my nephew who continues to jump off the couch onto a stack of pillows in the floor. All the while, the adults watching over him are telling him not to do it, that he will get hurt. And what do you know, he jumps too far to the left and hits a metal pole with his knees on the way down.

I feel like God is like that with me. He is watching over me, and I start thinking about jumping off the couch. My plans are made. But God has other plans. Plans that are perfect and plans to not harm me. But what do I do, I jump! Only to get hurt.

Lord, forgive me for being a stubborn toddler. Change my plans to Your plans. Not my will, but Yours be done.

Let Go, Let God

I am in a bible study right now about true faith. Today's reading was in Genesis 22: 1 - 14. It's where Abraham goes to the mountain to sacrifice his only son, Isaac. When reading through the passage I realized my faith is nothing when compared to Abraham.

Yesterday's reading was 1 Samuel 1: 7-20. This passage is where Hannah goes to the temple distraught over her barrenness. She asks God to give her a son and that she would in turn dedicate him back to the Lord. And she does.

My faith is nothing like Hannah. I have since been struggling with letting go and letting God take control. There is something I have been struggling with for the past 14 weeks and I thought I had given it to God, but the fear keeps coming back and I fight to give it up again. My struggle now... Have I really given it to God if I keep having the fear come back?

At 20 weeks into my pregnancy, the doctors did a detailed ultrasound on my son. Some measurements were off and they sent me the following week to a specialist. I cried all week and that Sunday I went to the altar and let my heart out to God. I told Him I was giving the fear and anxiety I felt to Him and that I knew He was in control of the situation. I felt so relieved and like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Then the next day the doctors did not leave me with great news.

I was told that the measurement between my son's brain and skull was borderline for Downs Syndrome. The heart defect they were concerned about "looked fine" at the time, but the last thing the doctor said as I walked out the door was that if he was born healthy the doctor wouldn't be surprised. If I came back and he was born with a birth defect, he wouldn't be surprised. All the fear and anxiety came rushing back. It took another two weeks before I won the battle and gave it back to God.

10 weeks went by without giving it another thought. Then all of a sudden with just six weeks to go in my pregnancy the fears have started creeping back in.

My main struggle has been did I really give it to God before if it keeps coming back up? It is something that has really been bothering me. Did I really trust in God and give Him control?

Sleepless nights

It's become a normal thing for me to get little to no sleep. I guess my body is preparing me for the birth of my son.

I used to get annoyed, but now I spend the time reading the Bible to my son. One of my favorite verses is Prov 15:1. A kind word can bring peace to a situation but a harsh word just breeds anger. I have to remember that in all of my relationships; however, I feel particularly drawn to this when dealing with my marriage. My hormones have my emotions on overdrive but if I learn to stop and think about my reaction, I can diffuse a potentially harmful situation to my marriage. I love my husband and I want to keep my marriage fresh and strong..

The Final Weeks

Last January, we took our youth on our annual True Love Waits weekend. During the weekend, God worked on my heart. I had always wanted children, but felt Ryan and I weren't ready. I felt that children may not even be a possibility because of medication that I was on during my teenage years. Some of those medications, a female doctor took me off of because she feared the same thing.

Even through the weekend, I felt God pushing maternal feelings and the desire for a baby. We returned home, and I told Ryan about what God had been laying on my heart. We prayed about it, but I still had doubts and wanted things on my timing...which was after I finished my Master's Degree and after our maternity insurance hit 100% in March of 2011.

I am so thankful for God and His timing. The day I got my schedule of classes for my Master's program (also the Saturday before Father's Day of 2010), I took the test and squealed! I was happy. God has given me a son, who in just a few weeks I will hold in my arms.

Ironically, (or not so) I am due the same month we are taking the youth to True Love Waits this year. February will never be the same and I have learned that when God speaks, listen and not to doubt.

When I would go a day without my medication in high school or middle school.... I would be sick for a month. God has given my body the strength to last these past 28 weeks (thats how long I have been without all of my prescription meds) with little problems. No hospitalizations or trips to the ER that always followed a missed dose in high school.

When God leads your heart, he also guides you along the path pushing aside the briars and thistles. God has gone before me holding up branches down this path and has taught me so much about learning how to follow Him and trust in Him.

Little King and the Countess

Ryan's lesson last night was on the third commandment. Do not take the Lord's name in vain. Ryan went on to say that it is not just saying curse words or replying to a hammer hitting your thumb. It applies in any misuse of God's name. We take His name in vain when we do not stand up for it when others misuse it. We are God's hearalds. When we disobey God, God's name is marred because we, as Christians, are attached to His name.

The reason God's name is so important is that it has meaning. In the Bible times, a family thought long and hard when naming their child. Names had great meaning back then. Today, parents do not really think about the meanings behind the names. They pick what sounds cute. Back in Bible times, when God called out and set apart his people, he changed their name.

Some examples are Abram to Abraham. Sarai to Sarah. Jacob to Israel. Saul to Paul. These name changes meant something. Sarah means "princess". The name is fitting because through her many great nations came forth.

Ryan's name means "little king." It is ironic, yet fitting that he married a Contessa, Italian for countess. When thinking of a name for our son, we decided that we wanted his name to mean something. Christian Chadwick was chosen for a number of reasons. The first was the actual meaning behind the names. Christian means "follower of Christ." We both have one goal, to raise him through the knowledge and teaching of God. Chadwick originally meant "from the warrior's tow" or "protector and defender". We want to not only raise him up in God's Word, we want him to be a mighty warrior for God!

So you see, names have meaning. We should be mindful of that meaning. God's name is the name above all names. We should be defenders and protectors of such a mighty, holy name.

No Idols

On Wednesday nights, Ryan has been speaking on Exodus 20 and the 10 Commandments. Many people wonder what application it can have on our lives today, having been given to the Israelites so many many years ago. Last week Ryan spoke on idols.

Exodus 20: 4-6 says, "“You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments."

The first commandment we studied was who we worship, and the second commandment here talks about the method and how we worship. We don't need a little pocket Jesus to bring out and worship, we just need God and our relationship with Him. He requires a relationship based on faith, with no tangible thing to hold on to.

Our challenge for the week was this, to search our hearts and pray for God to reveal things that we placed above God and things we idolized. To me, God instead decided to reveal to me a new found vigor for stewardship. Maybe because money seemed to be important to me. I'm not sure. But I have become a saver, a deal seeker, and a coupon-clipping wife. I feel better knowing that I have spent the money God has blessed me with wisely. And I feel better knowing that the check I write back to give to God is a little fuller because of how wisely I have been with what He has given me.

Sometimes God's answer isn't exactly what we expected. This week's certainly was not what I expected as an answer when I started Ryan's challenge for the week.

There is a Time for Everything

Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens"

God's timing is always better than our timing. That is a lesson that has been permeating through everything lately. We weren't planning on having a baby anytime soon. According to us, we couldn't afford a baby. I wanted to finish my Master's Degree first (graduation is Nov 2011). I wanted to save up a good nestegg first (we lost a lot of it back in Spring of 2008). We wanted to have five years together (we will have been married 4 in Dec 2010) before children. You see, the things that kept us from "being prepared" in our eyes were our own desires and wants. I wouldn't trade this baby boy for any of the above wants and desires. God truly knows our hearts and knows what is best for us.

For those of you who are waiting on Mr. Right. Focus on God and being happy and content with him. Thats what I did. In no way did I want to date in high school. I went on a date (prom, etc.) but it was just for fun and with guy friends. The probability that you will marry your high school sweetheart is slim to none. Don't get me wrong, there are people who do. But I went to college expecting to get my degree, then find a husband. I wasn't going for my MRS degree. What happened? God had the perfect man for me waiting on the corner of the street to help me move into my dorm. First he was my best friend. Now he is my husband and father of my baby boy. Keep God first. And remember His timing is always better than our own.

B90X - Reading but no Blog

Ok. I have done my B90X reading. Just not really any time to blog. Will be out of town until Saturday, but will try to keep the blogging back up when I return. I am keeping a journal of my B90X reading, so I won't miss anything when I make my next blog.

B90X Report - Life of Joseph

B90X Report - When you look at the life of Joseph, you can see a man whose life was touched and protected by God. God appeared to Joseph through his dreams. God protected Joseph when his brothers tried to kill him through a brother who cared for him, Reuben. Joseph was strong in his beliefs with Potiphar's wife. God protected him when he was put in prison. God worked through Joseph to interpret dreams.

Today's reading went further into Joseph's life. And I am going to kind of put two days together since tomorrow is Sunday.

God used Joseph to put him where he wanted him to be - as a ruler of Egypt, second to only Pharaoh. Through Joseph, the tribes of Israel were spared in their originators - Joseph's brother. God puts us in places that he wants us to be so that we may do His work. We may not understand why we are there, but God has a plan for our lives.

Just the other day Ryan and I were able to make the day of a lady at WalMart. We gave her a galloon of milk. It made her day!

Day 4 Reading : Genesis 40:12 - Genesis 50:26

Day 5 Reading: Exodus 1:1 - Exodus 15:18

B90X Report - Like Father, Like Son

B90X Day 2 Report - Like Father, Like Son

My little man will be here in February. Ryan and I are very excited. On the ultra sounds I have had, he has been doing flips. I looked at Ryan and said, "He is going to be just like his father." And if he is, I am going to be so proud of him. If he is not, Iwill love him just the same.

I feel that is how God viewed Isaac and Abraham. Twice Abraham did not trust that God would protect him and his wife. Twice Abraham told kings that Sarah was his sister and not his wife. With Abraham, it was just a half-truth. Sarah and Abraham had the same father but different mothers. Both times, God interferred and did not let anything happen to Sarah. He protected Abraham and Sarah's marriage.

In Genesis 26, Isaac and Rebekah returned to King Abimelech. This is the same king that his father Abraham deceived in Genesis 20. Isaac tells the king that Rebekah is his sister and not his wife. This wasn't even a half-truth for Isaac and Rebekah. It was an outright lie. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. King Abimelech was no fool. He watched Isaac and Rebekah and saw Isaac treating Rebekah as a wife, not a sister.

How many times must God provide for them for them to get it? God provided a wife for Isaac. God protected Abraham and Sarah in foreign lands. Yet, they continued to lie and deceive to "keep safe." They feared they would be killed over the beauty of their wives.

Day 3 Reading: Gensis 28:20 - 40:11

B90X - Day 1 Report

Day 1 of B90X was reading Genesis 1:1 - 16:16. It took about an hour and a half, with me taking some notes. God has opened my eyes to scripture that I never knew existed! I have read through Genesis many times; however, I never saw these words until now.

In Genesis 1:11, God said 'Let the land sproud with vegetation - every sort of seed-bearing plant, and trees that grow seed-bearing fruit. These seeds will then produce the kinds of plants and trees from which they came.' How many times have I read that? Taking is metaphorically, God made us to produce what we are. If we are bad, we produce bad fruit. If we are focused on Christ and his goodness, we will produce good fruits. We can't produce that which we are not.

In Genesis 8:21b God said "I will never again curse the ground because of the human race, even though everything they think or imagine is bent toward evil from childhood." I know that this theme is present throughout scripture. I just didn't know this was what God said when he gave the first rainbow.

When I think of famous battles in the Bible, I think of David and Goliath or Joshua and Jericho. I don't normally think of Abram (Abraham) and 318 of his men. Genesis 14 talks about a great king who destroyed many kingdoms and eventually defeated and looted Sodom, taking Lot and all of his treasures with them. When Abram heard of this, he gathered 318 of his men and took off after his nephew, Lot. Abram and his men not only destroyed this great army, taking back the possessions and people looted from the cities. He also made the remaining army flee for their lives! How great our God is that with 318 men, he defeated a great army.

Day 2 Readings: Genesis 17:1 - Genesis 28:19

The B90X Challenge

I tried this (although six days after Elevation Church did) last year. I barely made it through and had to double up on two of the days.

I have printed out another copy and have decided to do it again. B90X is an intense Bible reading plan. You must commit to 90 days straight of a few hours of reading a day. I am committed. I am going to read through the Bible in 90 days and this time, I WILL NOT fail.

Day 1 Reading : Genesis 1:1 - Genesis 16:16

So here goes!

Free Stuff - Not always a Scam

SWAGBUCKS

Ok. So I have been using Swagbucks for awhile now. You can see the widget for more information for Swagbucks on the right side of my page.

Well, I have always been skeptical when it came to offering "Free Stuff" on the internet. I have installed the Swagbucks toolbar, signedup for swagbucks, and use the search engine instead of google or a favorite to get to my favorite sites (i.e. facebook, myspace, ebay, amazon, etc.) I also try to take part in the daily polls and surveys. What has it gotten me thus far? Well, I have saved up enough swagbucks to get three Amazon giftcards, won a Swagstakes rug for the nursery, and gotten a neat little pair of earrings!

If you know how to work it without giving away too much personal information, this is DEFINITELY worth it!

COUPONS

Another subject is couponing. I have recently become a coupon junkie! With a baby on the way, money is getting tighter. I thoroughly enjoy running through the store and saving money! Especially if you can catch a double or triple coupon day at your local grocery store!

My favorite coupon site is www.southernsavers.com. It is a MUST for any mom! And if you don't have kids, well you can save money too! I bought Huggies wipes for $0.97 the other day. And no mother can ignore $6 packs of diapers!

I have recently kept a tally of CVS extra care bucks with coupons. If you play it right, you can actually get PAID to shop! For example, when there is a rebate on a Pepsi product and CVS offers extra care bucks when you buy so many. I got PAID for buying four packs of Pepsi the other day.

Satan's Methods of Deception

I have been doing another Bible study on Eve. There is so much we can learn from the first woman; however, I want to focus on how Satan deceived Eve. I know he continues to try and use these methods to deceive me and keep me from doing God's work. Sometimes, he even uses Christians to do it. So don't ever put your guard down. Satan is good at what he does.

" 'You won't die!' the serpent replied to the woman. 'God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.' " - Genesis 3:4-5

This is a story everyone seems to know by heart. However, I do not think we really take time to look at the contrast between what God said and How Eve and Satan quoted God.

1. Doubting the truthfulness of God

The first method Satan uses is casting doubt on the truthfulness of what God said. He did this when he told Eve, "You won't die!"

In Genesis 2: 16-17 God said:

1. From any tree of the garden you may eat freely
2. but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil
3. you shall not eat
4. for in that day you eat from it you shall surely die.

In Genesis 3: 2-3 Eve quoted God is Satan as:

1. From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat
2. but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden
3. God has said, 'You shall not eat from it or touch it
4. least you die.'

Read each again. Do they say the same thing? No. They are similar but Eve adds to what God really said. She changes the perspective. Satan uses this to not only bring doubt to Eve's heart, but he also uses Eve's misquote to misquote God himself.

Remember, keep in God's word. If you can't quote God correctly, you won't be able to see past Satan's lies and misquotes of God's Word.

2. Doubting God's Motives

Satan says to Eve, "For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." Satan tells Eve that God isn't looking out for the wellbeing. Satan suggests that God is holding Eve back from something good.

Unbelief

"But despite all the miraculous signs he had done, most of the people did not believe in him." - John 12:37 NLT

This verse may come as a bit of a surprise to some of you who read this. I have struggled recently with unbelief. I believe in my God! I believe that Christ died for my sins, rose from the dead, and now (since 1992) has resided in me. I have a clear remembrance of the day I accepted Christ.

My unbelief comes in the form of not trusting God with every aspect of my life. Over the years, I have trusted God with a lot of things. But my baby, apparently, did not fall in that list until today. I have struggled since the third grade with asthma and allergies. They are chronic problems, not just the every day allergies. I used to get sick only during the spring and fall. Some teachers put me outside in elementary school. The problem was that outside the classroom was also outside the building. We had no indoor hallways. This going outside made it worse...and caused me to miss school.

When I got to middle school, my medical problems took a drastic change. It was like a night and day affect. I seemed to get sick all the time, not just during certain seasons. I had just recovered from a second battle of strep throat. My doctors didn't know what to do with me. They couldn't understand how medicines that used to work, suddenly stopped. This escaladed until eigth grade. In eigth grade I never went to school. I was put on homebound. A teacher picked up my assignments from school, came to my house for an hour a day, and I had tons of work to complete before she showed up the next day. During this time, even the hospital ER began to just drug me up and send me home. During this time I went in circles from pulmonologist, to allergist, to family doctor, to ENT and in a continuous circle. Every doctor tried what they thought would work, and when it didn't, sent me on to someone else.

I had one brilliant doctor who finally took out my tonsils my freshmen year of college. This drastically decreased the amount of time I spent sick. Two years later, I had a doctor tell me I might have cancer. They decided to take out a lymph node instead of biopsying it. When they went in, they took out two. PRAISE THE LORD! The biopsy came back negative for cancer; however, it was labeled as a chronic infection - same as my tonsils and adeniods two years prior to this.

It wasn't until after I graduated college that we discovered the method to the madness. The entire time I had PANDAS. Apparently, when I had one of the episodes of strep I developed an autoimmune disease. This disease caused an involuntary muscle spasm - or a tic - to be developed, which set off my acid reflux and asthma. The only time I could get peace was when I was asleep...because the involuntary spasm wasn't like the reflex of breathing....it did not occur when my brain was in sleep mode. Thankfully, I outgrew it or something. But the damage has been done to my lungs before that with my chronic asthma and allergies I continue to struggle with to this day.

So what does all this have to do with my baby and my unbelief? A LOT! I was on so many medicines, and many of them trial medications, that one doctor took me off of them saying that they could cause med to be infertile. So for the longest time there has been doubts in my mind whether I could even conceive. When I found out I was pregnant, that burden was lifted off my shoulders and I praised God with everything I am. But.... I found out non of my medications were safe for the pregnancy. That includes the nasal spray, preventative and emergency inhalers for asthma, my singulair, allegra, lortadine, and acid reflux medicines that were prescriptions had to go.... so now I am on very low dose over the counter wanna-bes. They don't do the job...but God is slowly helping my body heal and adjust. I have been so worried that either the stress that my asthma puts on my body, or the medications I took for a month before I found out I was pregnant, or the fact that I have a lengthy family medical history would make my baby an unhealthy baby.

I talked to the NP and midwife at my OBGYN on Thursday. They both told me that God doesn't make mistakes. That every baby was put on this earth for a purpose and a method to serve God. (we were talking about the downsyndrom and some other testing they want to do) That helped ease the way to what God told me tonight through various methods. First, was the music for DNOW. "God is healer" and "Healing is in [His] hands" were a major theme in the music. Then God used a wonderful lady to help answer so many prayers that I had today about various other things. God just reminded me tonight that he was in control of my baby and my future whether I wanted to let him have the reigns or not. I used to say My god is bigger and He CAN do it...now I have a new motto. My God is bigger and He WILL do it!