Standing

So my son is trying to stand already. If you hold his hands he pulls himself up and I caught him trying to pull himself out of the bassinet. He isn't quite four months old yet. He is swimming instead of crawling but he seems to have standing with help down pat.

Would Jesus Be Accepted in Your Church?

Ryan and I were riding in the car the other day with the Ipod on shuffle and the song "My Jesus" by Todd Agnew came on. If you have ever listened to the lyrics, you may have been turned off by one word in the song. But take a minute with me to read through the lyrics that caught our attention.

"Cause my Jesus bled and died

He spent His time with thieves and liars

He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant

So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church

The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet

But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud

I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd

And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus! "

Ryan and I felt God calling us back to the Upstate. We left with no house, no job for me, and no real clue where God was leading us. Real blind faith. We later found God leading us to Epic Church and a group of people who truly encompass what Ryan and I talked about following the song that day in the car. But that is another story for another day.

After carefully listening to the song, Ryan and I talked about visiting some churches when we came to Greenville. We talked about how receptive and loving some churches are and no matter what you look like and wear they just love on you. Ryan and I talked about a "test" we wanted to do one day. We wanted Ryan to find his spikes, Slipknot tshirt (that mind you has holes all in it), black pants with chains on it, and dog collar and "dress the part". We wanted to experiment to see how a church would approach my husband in this getup. Would people walk up to him and invite him back and tell him about other events and bible studies going on in the church? Would they stare at him? Judge him?

They don't know his heart. They don't know he is the most godly man I have ever met. But many churches probably wouldn't invite us to anything else their church has going on. We said the church that did was the type of church we wanted to be involved in.

How many of us, including myself, would have huge eyes watching such a sight coming down the isle of our church? How many of us truly are like Jesus. Look at who Jesus ministered to. The adulterous woman at the well. A tax collector who cheated people out of money. Sick woman who had been bleeding for 12 years.

I want to follow Christ and imitate Him. I want to show God's truth in love as Ephesians 4:15 states "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." It doesn't matter who we are, what job we have, how we dress, or what sins we have or are committing at the time. 1 Peter 4:8 states that "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." Everything else aside, we are called to share Jesus's love story, a love that covers all sins. We are to do this without fear and without shame. For Jesus ministered to people who needed Him. People who were sinners and outcasts from their society. Just as this drew criticism from the proud religious leaders of Jesus's day, we need not fear rejection and criticism from those in our day.

We are called to witness no matter what the social class, sins committed, education, wealth, employment, etc. So I ask again as the song did.

"Which Jesus do you follow?

Which Jesus do you serve?

If Ephesians says to imitate Christ

Then why do you look so much like the world?"

Radical Faith

Mark 1: 38 - 45 NLT
"But Jesus replied, 'We must go on to other towns as well, and I will preach to them, too. That is why I came.' So he traveled throughout the region of Galilee, preaching in the synagogues and casting out demons."

Jesus says the reason that He came was to preach to all of Galilee, not just his home town or his comfort zone. Where do you openly and radically share Jesus? Is there some places that you do not open up and talk about Jesus? Is there a group of people you just do not feel will accept your sharing Jesus with them? Take some time and search your heart for places you do and do not talk about Jesus. Is there someone specific that God is laying on your heart to share Christ with? Maybe you are not open at school or work about your faith. Pray that God opens your heart and shows you areas where you can be radical and share your faith. You never know where God will open doors for future opportunities to share your faith. Be open and keep a look out for where you can share your faith.

Preparing for Baby

So the past few days I have been diving in head first to car floor boards, toilets, showers, and closets. I am officially in the nesting period of my pregnancy. The great thing is I have TONS of energy in spirts. The bad thing is that my pinched nerve doesn't like my nesting phase. I actually slept from 10:30 until 8:30 this morning only waking up once.

Countdown to baby.....still waiting.

Making Plans

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version, ©2010)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

My coping mechanism is planning. It is how I keep myself calm in an ever-changing world. I make contingency plans. I plan for the worse-case scenario. I have been trying to plan for my classes around having a baby. My six week class started Tuesday, February 1st, 2011 and ends March 14, 2011. The problem? I am officially due February 25th, 2011. But with having a baby, due dates are a suggestion. He can come whenever he wants. He can come early and arrive next week or he can come late and be a March baby. That makes it difficult on me when I am trying to plan around it.

I just feel like a stubborn toddler. You know the kind. Like my nephew who continues to jump off the couch onto a stack of pillows in the floor. All the while, the adults watching over him are telling him not to do it, that he will get hurt. And what do you know, he jumps too far to the left and hits a metal pole with his knees on the way down.

I feel like God is like that with me. He is watching over me, and I start thinking about jumping off the couch. My plans are made. But God has other plans. Plans that are perfect and plans to not harm me. But what do I do, I jump! Only to get hurt.

Lord, forgive me for being a stubborn toddler. Change my plans to Your plans. Not my will, but Yours be done.

Let Go, Let God

I am in a bible study right now about true faith. Today's reading was in Genesis 22: 1 - 14. It's where Abraham goes to the mountain to sacrifice his only son, Isaac. When reading through the passage I realized my faith is nothing when compared to Abraham.

Yesterday's reading was 1 Samuel 1: 7-20. This passage is where Hannah goes to the temple distraught over her barrenness. She asks God to give her a son and that she would in turn dedicate him back to the Lord. And she does.

My faith is nothing like Hannah. I have since been struggling with letting go and letting God take control. There is something I have been struggling with for the past 14 weeks and I thought I had given it to God, but the fear keeps coming back and I fight to give it up again. My struggle now... Have I really given it to God if I keep having the fear come back?

At 20 weeks into my pregnancy, the doctors did a detailed ultrasound on my son. Some measurements were off and they sent me the following week to a specialist. I cried all week and that Sunday I went to the altar and let my heart out to God. I told Him I was giving the fear and anxiety I felt to Him and that I knew He was in control of the situation. I felt so relieved and like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Then the next day the doctors did not leave me with great news.

I was told that the measurement between my son's brain and skull was borderline for Downs Syndrome. The heart defect they were concerned about "looked fine" at the time, but the last thing the doctor said as I walked out the door was that if he was born healthy the doctor wouldn't be surprised. If I came back and he was born with a birth defect, he wouldn't be surprised. All the fear and anxiety came rushing back. It took another two weeks before I won the battle and gave it back to God.

10 weeks went by without giving it another thought. Then all of a sudden with just six weeks to go in my pregnancy the fears have started creeping back in.

My main struggle has been did I really give it to God before if it keeps coming back up? It is something that has really been bothering me. Did I really trust in God and give Him control?

Sleepless nights

It's become a normal thing for me to get little to no sleep. I guess my body is preparing me for the birth of my son.

I used to get annoyed, but now I spend the time reading the Bible to my son. One of my favorite verses is Prov 15:1. A kind word can bring peace to a situation but a harsh word just breeds anger. I have to remember that in all of my relationships; however, I feel particularly drawn to this when dealing with my marriage. My hormones have my emotions on overdrive but if I learn to stop and think about my reaction, I can diffuse a potentially harmful situation to my marriage. I love my husband and I want to keep my marriage fresh and strong..

The Final Weeks

Last January, we took our youth on our annual True Love Waits weekend. During the weekend, God worked on my heart. I had always wanted children, but felt Ryan and I weren't ready. I felt that children may not even be a possibility because of medication that I was on during my teenage years. Some of those medications, a female doctor took me off of because she feared the same thing.

Even through the weekend, I felt God pushing maternal feelings and the desire for a baby. We returned home, and I told Ryan about what God had been laying on my heart. We prayed about it, but I still had doubts and wanted things on my timing...which was after I finished my Master's Degree and after our maternity insurance hit 100% in March of 2011.

I am so thankful for God and His timing. The day I got my schedule of classes for my Master's program (also the Saturday before Father's Day of 2010), I took the test and squealed! I was happy. God has given me a son, who in just a few weeks I will hold in my arms.

Ironically, (or not so) I am due the same month we are taking the youth to True Love Waits this year. February will never be the same and I have learned that when God speaks, listen and not to doubt.

When I would go a day without my medication in high school or middle school.... I would be sick for a month. God has given my body the strength to last these past 28 weeks (thats how long I have been without all of my prescription meds) with little problems. No hospitalizations or trips to the ER that always followed a missed dose in high school.

When God leads your heart, he also guides you along the path pushing aside the briars and thistles. God has gone before me holding up branches down this path and has taught me so much about learning how to follow Him and trust in Him.